The 'Lateral' World [Newest are added to the bottom.] The saying Alaskan Women have for the fact that their State has so many more Men than Women: "The odds are good, but the goods are odd." ****** Man has two basic desires: to get and to beget. ***** Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is physics. ****** "I used to think the brain was the most fascinating part of the body. Then I thought, 'Look what's telling me that.'" - Emo Philips, US entertainer & comedian (1956-) ***** "Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious." - Peter Ustinov, English actor & author (1921-2004) ***** "You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club." - Jack London, US adventurer, author, & sailor (1876-1916) ***** "You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me neither." - Steve Martin, US comedian & movie actor (1945-) ***** "Sex at age ninety is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." - George Burns, US actor & comedian (1896-1996) ***** "Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant." - George Burns, US actor & comedian (1896-1996) ***** "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." - Jack Nicholson, US actor (1937-) ***** "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." - Barbara Bush, Wife of former 41st US president George Bush (1925 - ) * And you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humour! ***** "Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them." - William E (Bill) Vaughan, US columnist & author (1915-1977) ***** If a man says something in the woods and no woman hears him, is he still wrong? ***** "Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it." - Ellen Goodman, American journalist (1941-) ***** "The trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it." - Patrick Young ***** "Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit." - W Somerset Maugham, English dramatist & novelist (1874-1965) ***** "Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job." - Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, English humorist & science fiction novelist (1952-2001) ***** One evening, an old Cherokee was teaching his grandson about life ... He said, "My son, there is a battle between two 'wolves' inside us all. One wolf is Evil - he is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, competition, and ego. The other is Good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed." - Origin Unknown ***** "I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." - Fran Lebowitz, US writer and humorist (1950-) ***** "Write a wise saying and your name will live forever." - Anonymous ***** "The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums." - Peter De Vries, US editor and novelist (1910-1993) ***** "Ethics are so annoying. I avoid them on principle." - Darby Conley, US cartoonist (1970-) ***** "I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading." - Zach Braff, US television and film actor, director, screenwriter and producer (1975-) ***** "If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age." - George Burns, US actor & comedian (1896-1996) ***** "When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half." - Gracie Allen, US actress (1906-1964) ***** "I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.'" - Ellen DeGeneres, US comedian and actress (1958-) ***** "The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it." - Ronald Reagan, 40th president of US (1911-2004) ***** "Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening." - Barbara Tober, US magazine editor ***** The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat. ***** "Adventure is just bad planning." - Roald Amundsen, Norwegian Arctic & Antarctic explorer (1872-1928) ***** "If there were no God, there would be no Atheists." ~ G K Chesterton, English author & mystery novelist (1874-1936) ***** The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders. ~ Foster's Law ***** The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance. ~ Laurence J Peter, American educator & writer (1919-1988)