Jokes [Newest are added to the bottom.] Mum and Dad took their six-year-old son to a nude beach. As the kid walked along the sand, he noticed that some of the ladies had bigger titties than his mum. So he asked her why. She said, 'The bigger they are the less intelligent the person.' Pleased with the answer, the kid went to splash in the shallows. But he returned to tell his mum that some of the men had bigger dickies than his dad. And his mother replied, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the person.' Once more, the child was satisfied with the answer and returned to the water to play. But he came back almost immediately telling his mum, 'Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets.' ***** My aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and, with a big smile, tell me, 'You're next.' They stopped that after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. ***** A bloke is camping in a national park and is just eating the last scraps of a tiger snake he's baked in an open fire when the park ranger nabs him. He's dragged in front of the magistrate on a charge of eating a protected species and in view of the incontrovertible evidence - namely, a half-masticated snake - he's pronounced guilty. Before passing sentence, the magistrate invites the bloke to speak in litigation. What follows is the most heart-rending and inspiring tale of hardship and survival, of a bloke's battle with tough times and bad luck culminating with the dilemma of an environmentally aware but starving man agonising over whether he should preserve his rapidly ebbing life by eating the (already dead) tiger snake that providence had left in his path. Moved to tears, the magistrate pardons the bloke and wishes him well. Just as the bloke is exiting the courtroom, the magistrate calls him back. 'Just out of curiosity,' he asks, 'what does tiger snake taste like?' 'Well, it's sort of like a cross between a dolphin and lyrebird.' ***** Three Americans were up against a very large Russian in a wrestling meet. They were nervous because he had a famous move called "The Russian Pretzel," which often landed his opponents in the hospital. When the first American caught a glimpse of him, he said, "Coach, he's HUGE. I'm scared." The coach replied, "You da MAN! Just go in there and tear him up!" The guy started the match quite confidently, but after about a minute, the Russian picked him up, slammed him into the famous pretzel, and sent him to the emergency room. The same thing happened to the second wrestler, so the third guy was petrified. He told his coach he was backing out. The coach said, "C'mon, son. You're our last chance!" The kid started out pretty well, but when the Russian started to twist him into the pretzel, the coach covered his eyes. When he opened them, he saw the referee holding the American's hand up in victory. The coach, baffled, asked the kid how he did it. "Well Coach, when that damn Russian picked me up and started twisting my body, it HURT! So when I saw two red things dangling there, I bit them... HARD! You'd be surprised what you can do when you bite your own balls!"